It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
