i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
