I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize