the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
