its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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