Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
