Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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