dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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