dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
