I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my being single is dangerous.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
