So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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