There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
