we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
