Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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