please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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