I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize