Just fell off a train. Bad.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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