I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
