I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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