Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
