Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
