who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
