I need help removing her.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
