You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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