Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
