Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
