He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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