Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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