I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
