Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
