he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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