Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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