Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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