The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
