One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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