The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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