Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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