haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You need Xanax blowdarts
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
