Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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