Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
