I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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