thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
