it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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