Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
