i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
