I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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