Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
