i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
