what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
