the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
