Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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