So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
