There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
