I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
