drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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