i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
