it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
