My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
