No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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