omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
