This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hippo gnu deer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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