I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
