I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I puked a lego.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
